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Have you ever, lost or stood on your car key (I use the expression ‘key’ lightly). My brother in law once had his BMW key eaten by their dog, just before the car was due to be returned at the end of the lease.

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He wasn’t too worried until he saw the cost of the replacement. I was staggered to read a report from company, Recover Me, whose founding director, Robin Reames, revealed the cost of replacement keys on the UK’s top 10 selling models. He explained that finding out the cost of a replacement key is nigh on impossible until you need to replace it.

Hence the reason for revealing the costs, which average £206 per car. Of course the reason why the costs are going up and will continue to rise is the amount of information stored within the circuitry of the key. It’s like a mini black box. I remember taking my BMW 7 series in for a service a couple of years ago and the service agent asked for my key, not to drive the car but to see what needed to be done!

In order to make sure you take good care of your car keys here is a list of the top 10 selling cars with the cost of the replacement key alongside:

1. Ford Fiesta                          £220
2. Ford Focus                          £220
3. Vauxhall Corsa                  £135
4. Vauxhall Astra`                £130
5. VW Golf                               £190
6. Nissan Qashqai                £280
7. Fiat 500                              £230
8. BMW 3 Series                    £216
9. VW Polo                             £210
10. BMW 1 Series                    £233

Shocking or what, worth their weight in gold – literally!! By Graham Hill

Bus Lane (Photo credit: didbygraham)

Years ago, at the age of 21, I worked for the International Perfume manufacturer Faberge as their cost and management accountant. For those old enough to know they were the creators of world changing Brut, the first ever unisex fragrance. One of the advantages of working there was access to cheap bottles of Brut and any other product they sold at the time.

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Perks of the job, in the same way that my dad and my brother in law received big discounts on air travel by working for British Airways. But what benefits do those men and women that drive around all day in dayglow cars with flashing blue lights all over them. Not many I would suggest.

They don’t even get to take the company car home for private use in the evening and weekend, the wife might not agree but the kids would love it. One of the few benefits I can see is that motorists seem to get out of the way when they see a police car waiting to move into traffic or are cruising through the centre of town.

You might also assume that they have free access to restricted areas where only busses, taxis and cyclists are allowed and of course bus lanes. After a busy day of chasing around after cracked up 15 year old joy riders, stopping robbers who are likely to pull out a sawn off shotgun from under their seat after being forced to stop by one of these brave boys and girls in blue, you would think that they are entitled a little bit of privilege, such as nipping down a bus lane in order to get home to their bangers and mash.

If you thought that and you live in Birmingham you would be wrong. Birmingham City Council actually send out fines to the police for improper use of their bus lanes. Have you ever heard of anything so amazingly bloody ridiculous. Since last September more than 400 notices were served on the police amounting to £24,000 after putting up signs barring all vehicles, other than buses and taxis of course.

They then used CCTV to catch those driving down the bus lane and issue £30 fines that double after 14 days. So far about a quarter of the tickets issued to the police have been cancelled as the police have proven that the cars were on emergency calls. They have had to use valuable resources to prove that the car was on a shout at the time.

The police have also confirmed that they will be looking into all remaining fines to see if the car was on an emergency call. WHAT??? Instead of stopping villains from duffing up old people and nicking their life savings the police will be busy checking their telemetrics and video footage to see if the drivers were on emergency calls at the time of being caught in a bus lane.

Is it me? Please tell me it’s not me that doesn’t get it? Whoever is responsible in the council for this ridiculous situation, and I don’t care whether you are a man or woman – you are a total knob! By Graham Hill

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• Councils not amending bus lane signs (bbc.co.uk)