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If you thank that is dopey, how about the 2,410 drivers who managed to lock a child in their cars resulting in a call out for the AA in 2014. A further 1,014 AA customers managed to lock their pets in their cars with a staggering 40,072 forgetting whether their vehicles ran on petrol or diesel and filled their cars with the wrong fuel. Jeepers!

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Oh and the 1,014 pets weren’t all dogs, they ranged from guinea pigs to snakes. Who would be an AA patrolman? According to the AA it’s not as simple as opening the door to allow the driver to get to their precious pet, they often escape cages and boxes and manage to squeeze into the back of the dashboard requiring the patrolman to dismantle it in order to rescue a pet that was in fact quite comfy where it was.

Who’d have thought you would need a tetanus jab in order to work for the AA? There were an amazing 3 million callouts in 2014. Top of the callout list was batteries at 427,586 followed by tyres at 373,746, lights 131,527, alternator at 106,587 and clutch failure at 103,229. Mondays are the busiest days for the AA with an extra 1,000 callouts over the daily average of 9,337.

Monday 24^th November was the busiest day last year with 14,501 callouts. Bloody interesting eh! The longest recovery was 615 miles from south London to Ross-shire. Amazing! By Graham Hill

Having a blog means that I get to hear some very dopey stories. The latest was a car that was delivered by transporter to a customer. As excited as he was about driving his new car something wasn’t right.

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He couldn’t put his finger on it but each time he walked towards the car a bell was ringing in his head but what was it? He walked all around the car trying to find a dent or something obviously wrong but could find nothing. After two days of driving the car he realised what it was, there was something wrong with the registration number.

He checked his agreement and realised that the car had been issued with a different number to his agreement. As it turned out there were two identical cars on the transporter, delivered on the same day to two different customers. Whether the dealer had issued the paperwork incorrectly or the delivery driver dropped the cars off to the wrong owners I couldn’t get to the bottom of, but as both cars were insured by the drivers on the other’s registration neither were insured to drive the car they were driving.

The fact is that they may never have known until the cars were returned or sold – how crazy is that? The other driver didn’t have a clue but apparently went loopy when he was told! And I don’t blame him!

The two drivers had their cars swapped and received a free first service. So when you have your car delivered check that the registration number agrees with your documents. By Graham Hill

Here is part 2 of my safety tips as we count down to winter. I mentioned in my last list of tips the importance of making sure that your screen is clear, not only outside but inside. Clean the inside of your screen regularly with anti mist cleaner.

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My experience is that this still won’t stop the screen from misting up but it makes them clear quicker when you turn on the demister. Remember that in the rain stopping distance is doubled so allow plenty of space between you and the car in front. It is a legal requirement to switch on your headlights (if not automatic) when visibility is less than 100 metres.

Another recommendation is not to use cruise control when driving in the wet. Also if you break down in heavy rain don’t leave your bonnet open, some older drivers and truck drivers would do this to indicate that the vehicle had broken down but this will allow the electrics to get wet and make the job of the recovery man or woman much harder.

For some strange reason Brits don’t understand the full dangers of floods, maybe because it is rare for us to experience really heavy flooding (last year being an exception) so we tend to be somewhat glib. The fact is that a massive 32% of all flood related deaths are by drowning in a vehicle.

Here are some more frightening facts to remember the next time a local stream or small river overflows its banks and you feel safe to drive through it. Two feet of standing water is enough to float a car whilst 12” of water flowing at 6mph is also enough to float an average family car. And if you feel the need to drive through a flood splashing water up into the engine compartment, an egg cup full of water in the combustion chamber can wreck an engine.

OK, onto some water tips. Only drive a car through water that you know isn’t too deep, by that I mean halfway up the wheels. Don’t drive through fast moving water, even if the water is just a small stream. Drive on the highest section of the road, check the camber, this is normally the middle of the road.

If your car is a manual keep the revs high by slipping the clutch whilst in water, it is important to keep your engine running. In deep water you should keep your foot on the accelerator as water will travel up the exhaust pipe if you let the revs drop. In a flood take it in turns if you meet oncoming traffic. Allow them to pass first keeping to the highest part of the road.

Make sure that you test your brakes when you leave the water. Finally in this section I must clear up a misconception regarding SUV’s or commonly known as 4WD cars. They are not amphibious vehicles. They are not safer than a normal saloon car, they won’t offer more protection if you are involved in a crash and they certainly won’t fare any better than any other car if you are driving through a flood.

Last year the AA answered calls from 4,000 motorists who had come to grief in floods. Many had driven through water only to get the car die on them when they drove out with 1,000 still stuck in the middle of the water. The AA has a specialist flood rescue team, known as AA SORT (Special Operations Response Team). They are already on alert as we start to move through autumn to winter.

One of the warnings from the AA, other than don’t believe your SUV is a boat, is don’t ignore statutory ‘Road Closed’ signs. They are there for a reason and certainly avoid driving through anything more than a puddle. By ignoring road closed warnings you could put your insurance at risk.

Water can write off cars or severely damage engines but if you ignored a warning saying that a road was closed the insurer could avoid paying out on a claim. So greater care is needed and take no risks. Water can be a killer. More next time so watch this space. By Graham Hill

You are about to read one of the best pieces of advice you will ever receive. If you are a regular reader of my rantings you will know that there is one expression that seriously pisses me off, can you recall? You can’t? Let me remind you, it is – ‘a goodwill gesture.’

Thinking of a change but unsure as to the best way to finance your car? Then you need a copy of my car finance book, Car Finance – A Simple Guide by Graham Hill. Click on the link below to buy the best car finance book on the market, available as a Kindle Book and Paper Back.

In the car industry I would suggest that 95 times out of a 100 the ‘goodwill gesture’ is a legal bloody entitlement but in order to cover up a major con or failure the dealer/funder/manufacturer will make good any damage – as a gesture of goodwill! Typically the car part that fails two days after the warranty has run out that is repaired free – as a ‘gesture of good faith.’

Sod off, there is such a thing as the Sale Of Goods Act which takes precedent over a warranty and if a defective part, expected to last for the life of the car, fails, it is a legal obligation, on the part of the dealer who sold you the car, to replace it or repair it. But here is another interesting example. A lady bought a brand new Nissan Qashqai that developed a gearbox fault shortly after she took delivery.

It was agreed that the gearbox was faulty and needed to be replaced but two months down the line the lady, Jill Alexander, was still without her nice new Nissan. Whilst the car was awaiting the replacement gearbox the dealer loaned her a Nissan Micra as a courtesy car whilst Jill was still paying the finance and insurance on her Qashqai.

After a while, and complaints from Jill, the dealer provided a replacement Qashqai so that she could get her mother’s wheelchair in the back. It wasn’t the same spec as her car and there was still no sign of the replacement gearbox. Nissan explained that due to huge demand for their new Qashqai they had no stock of spare gearboxes but they would pay the two months of Jill’s finance as – you guessed it ‘a goodwill gesture’.

They are also looking to replace the Qashqai with an X Trail to provide a better spec car and more space. Now here’s the thing. First of all every car manufacturer has a legal obligation to stock sufficient parts for repairs of new cars sold. Clearly they have failed to do this being more interested in building more new cars than supplying spare parts for customers who have already bought.

Whether the car is on HP, PCP or leased it is the property of the finance company so you first need to involve the funder who can bring more pressure on the dealer or manufacturer than you. But here is the best piece of advice. Make sure that when you take out your car insurance that you take out legal cover that can be as little as £20 per annum.

When you find yourself in this situation get in touch and get a barrister on the case. It’s amazing how quickly dealers and manufacturers act when a lawyer is on the case. In this case Jill has a case to claim compensation for finance payments and any other out of pocket expenses. So Nissan should not only be paying the two months they have agreed to they should be paying for all the finance payments whilst the car is off the road. And not as a goodwill gesture!

Oh and one final thing on legal cover, make sure you also take it out with your contents insurance. If you make a genuine claim and the insurer doesn’t pay out you can call on your insurance for legal advice and get them to act against the insurance company – I kid you not, well worth the few extra pounds. By Graham Hill

It was 2 years ago when I announced that the Government was to instigate a detailed report into the cost of insurance. The Competition and Markets Authority (CMA) were to carry out the investigation and over the subsequent 2 years it seemed as though the results and recommendations would be hugely beneficial to motorists as information leaked out.

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The two areas of major concern were (and still are) the cost of replacement vehicles and the cost of repairs, both of which were completely out of control and adding fortunes to drivers’ premiums. But sadly common sense has flown out of the window and the CMA has made a U turn on both of these critical issues.

The original proposal was to place a cap on replacement car costs and a cap on repair charges, both of which the CMA supported and seemed were working on them. However, it now seems that neither are to be implemented because ‘any changes would require full-scale law alterations and savings would be minimal.’ I would add that this report has cost the Treasury £millions and for what?

I am confused as to how a cap on repair costs and a cap on charging for replacement cars would result in ‘full-scale law alterations.’ I could write the bloody changes myself in an afternoon and who would resist the proposals. This must surely call into question the integrity of those carrying out the investigation. And why did it take two years and several millions of pounds to come to that conclusion?

Even the Association of British Insurers (ABI), whom one would assume would defend the way in which its industry works has criticised the report for failing to tackle the excessive cost of replacement cars, saying that this failure would be ‘a bitter pill to swallow for honest motorists.’ This has simply handed those who provide replacement vehicles, such as accident management companies, an open chequebook to continue charging extortionate hire charges.

The ABI appear not to have commented on the capping of repair costs, which may be a more difficult problem to be solved, but it clearly costs more than it should and was another major issue to be addressed that was avoided. Unbelievably, I was not aware that agreements existed between the insurance comparison sites and their advertisers that the advertisers would not advertise cheaper rates elsewhere.

The fact is that I have found the cheapest rate in the past on a comparison site then approached the insurance company direct and achieved a better rate. So this move is hardly likely to make a lot of difference to premiums as many people stay on the comparison site once they have found the most suitable product. Consumers will now receive more information with regard to no claims bonus protection and the CMA has asked the Financial Conduct Authority to look into the way that insurers inform customers of policy add ons (smacks of PI).

Janet Conner, MD of AA Insurance suggested that the changes should save motorists about £20 a year but she questioned the way that the investigation was carried out and if it could have been better approached from a different angle.

Alasdair Smith, CMA deputy panel chairman defended the meagre proposals by saying, ‘These changes will benefit motorists who are currently paying higher premiums as a result of the problems we have found.’ You may have found them my friend but it would seem that you have done precious little to resolve them. Yet another example of jobs for the boys. By Graham Hill

When people move house they tend to look for certain things in the area into which they are planning to move. Ease of access, closeness to schools with high teaching standards, where the shops are, likelihood of flooding etc. etc. But it is felt that a new credential is starting to surface, as a result of which those crazy girls and boys at Confused.com have carried out a survey in order to help.

Thinking of a change but unsure as to the best way to finance your car? Then you need a copy of my car finance book, Car Finance – A Simple Guide by Graham Hill. Click on the link below to buy the best car finance book on the market, available as a Kindle Book and Paper Back.

What is this new credential? Obviously it is the greenness of your nearest town or city. What they did was look at every car  registered to an area and calculated the average CO2 emissions figure.

Now I have to say girls and boys this isn’t the most scientific way of arriving at the greenest and dirtiest towns and cities across the land but it is a start and must have nicely filled a few otherwise boring days with something productive and incredibly useful (better than sitting in front of your PC’s playing Candy Crush – just).

In terms of cities, and according to Confused.com, London is the worst of all for CO2 emissions, followed by St Albans (is that a city?) then Brighton & Hove. This is what Gemma Stanbury, head of motor at Confused.com, had to say, ‘With so many Brits relying on their cars for work and other commitments, it’s unrealistic to think that people will be able to do without their cars.

But it’s encouraging to see that many drivers are making an effort to become greener.’ Are they? I have to say Gemma that I don’t have many clients that make their final decision based on the car’s CO2 unless they are looking at the benefit in kind implications which is more of a financial decision rather than a ‘save their local environment’ decision.

In case you are at all interested here are the vitally important stats in the event you are considering a move in the near future:

After watching the accidents that appeared in the Japanese Grand Prix last weekend it not only brought into focus the very high level of safety now in F1 cars but also the fact that even the precautions fitted to the cars can’t allow for the very infrequent freak accident that happened to Jules Bianchi, our thoughts and prayers are with him and his family.

Thinking of a change but unsure as to the best way to finance your car? Then you need a copy of my car finance book, Car Finance – A Simple Guide by Graham Hill. Click on the link below to buy the best car finance book on the market, available as a Kindle Book and Paper Back.

Much of the F1 technology has been transferred across to normal road cars, from tyres to brakes and traction control. Fatalities on UK roads are dropping, as is the seriousness of the injuries received by those caught up in the accidents. Volvo, known for their very high safety standards, have stated that by 2020 no one will be killed or seriously injured in their cars.

But having said that the EU believes there is more to be done across the board and has set targets for the introduction of automatic systems into all new type-approved cars that will automatically alert the emergency services should the car be involved in an accident along with a locator that will advise the emergency services the exact location of the vehicle.

The plan was to make this statutory from the start of 2015 but the car industry said it needed at least 3 years to test and implement such a scheme. They also need to decide upon an acceptable method of advising the emergency services across Europe. Some prestige cars already have an emergency system fitted into the car but it requires someone to activate it which then dials into the manufacturers own call centre who then has to do something to alert the emergency services.

Some have suggested the use of mobile phones but they are not too accurate when pinpointing location and an automatic alert app. would need to sense when the phone flies across a car in an accident. eCall is a device proposed by the EU in 2004 and is already being used by some manufacturers.

It is a box that detects an accident through sensors mounted in the car, calls the emergency services and pinpoints the location but the system still needs refinement and certainly won’t be ready for the launch date proposed by the EU, now moved back to October 2015. According to Volvo’s own system, On Call’s, product manager, Michael L Sena the industry would need a further 3 years before every new car was fitted with such a device. He also saw problems with setting up the infrastructure across Europe for the same device to work in every EU country.

It was a massive task and not one that could be completed in less than a year. He also pointed out the legal implications around data protection, human rights etc. many drivers would not be happy with someone somewhere knowing of their every move and being able to track them, something I touched on recently in one of my blogs.

The argument to that is that the system doesn’t track you, it only activates in the event of an accident. It is likely to happen though, as earlier in the year the EU voted for ‘the deployment of the necessary infrastructure’ to accommodate the new eCall system across Europe. So it should now be under way. By Graham Hill

Philips have issued a warning about counterfeit Xenon bulbs being sold as Philips originals but are actually ripoffs sold in what looks like Philips original packaging.

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They are dangerous, poor quality counterfeits that could end up blinding oncoming vehicles, provide poor road illumination and do not have precision mounts that can lead to the electrics burning out. The lamps are not homologated which means they wouldn’t pass a vehicle inspection.

They could even damage the car’s onboard computer system which could cost a fortune to repair or replace. Philips have warned sellers, both online and offline such as spares shops and garages that they will be subject to litigation if caught but have asked for the help of buyers. If you buy a Philips bulb you can check online to see if it is original and report it if it’s a fake.

If you want to check online go to www.philips.com/original If you fit a fake bulb that could be considered responsible for causing an accident you could find yourself in court, as could the supplier. Don’t take the risk. By Graham Hill

If you are a regular reader of my blogs/newsletters you will know that I am passionate about bringing into schools a new subject we could call – Life Skills. This should include basic things like cooking (partially covered already in schools), ironing, housekeeping and budgeting.

Thinking of a change but unsure as to the best way to finance your car? Then you need a copy of my car finance book, Car Finance – A Simple Guide by Graham Hill. Click on the link below to buy the best car finance book on the market, available as a Kindle Book and Paper Back.

Driving and early education about the dangers of driving should be included and even take the theory test in school. Finance should be included, how a loan works and how to take out a loan/mortgage/credit card and what you should do if you find yourself in difficulty. Another critical life skill is first aid. This should be taught at school and could save lives.

The Institute of Advanced Motorists and Driver First Assist (DFA) surveyed groups of motorists, 50% of whom said they would stop at an accident to assist if they arrived before the emergency services turned up but one in five wouldn’t administer first aid for fear of doing something wrong.

This is very bad. The DFA said training in reporting a crash correctly and life-saving first aid could cut deaths by 46%. That is staggering. It’s about time these life skills were introduced into the National Curriculum. By Graham Hill

OK got my angry hat on so watch out! If it’s not APR it’s bloody MPG. I’m sick to death of the ridiculous arguments over MPG and I’m even more angry to read this week that the EU is to poke their nose into our affairs, yet again, and legislate on the way MPG figures are calculated.

Thinking of a change but unsure as to the best way to finance your car? Then you need a copy of my car finance book, Car Finance – A Simple Guide by Graham Hill. Click on the link below to buy the best car finance book on the market, available as a Kindle Book and Paper Back.

They are set to demand that vehicle emission and economy tests be carried out on public roads rather than in laboratories. I thought it was dopey enough when What Car decided to carry out their own tests on cars to establish a more ‘realistic’ MPG but simply ignored this idiocy as a ploy to sell more magazines but it’s now getting ridiculous.

First of all expect your road fund licence cost to increase along with your benefit in kind tax as it will show an increase in CO2 emissions but let me turn to MPG, which is about as accurate a measure as APR and Brake Horsepower. I think we would all agree that the MPG, achieved in a laboratory, under very strict test conditions, will not be achievable under normal driving conditions.

So we are all agreed so far. And MPG can vary as a result of the road conditions, the condition of the car and most important of all the way we drive. Agreed? So with such a mash up of so many factors it is virtually impossible to come up with a definitive MPG. Ask any driver how they drive and they will come up with numerous different descriptions, let’s think of a few, carefully, fast, slowly, safely, quickly, with care, legally, illegally, cautiously, erratically, carelessly, considerately and like a rabid monkey.

The fact is that we all drive differently, not only to each other but also in different road conditions. Some drivers drive more carefully when it is raining or if there is ice about whilst others see these conditions as sent to test their rally driving skills affecting the fuel consumption substantially.

Poor service and maintenance of the car can affect fuel consumption as can worn tyres or incorrectly inflated tyres which can make a difference of up to 15% in fuel consumption. Braking hard, braking late, racing away from traffic lights can all affect fuel consumption, even having a window open, continual use of air conditioning or the fitting of a roof rack can affect the fuel you use as well as carrying passengers and/or a load of unnecessary or even necessary weight in the boot.

Cars are also not manufactured with the same precision as a Swiss watch, the mechanics will vary slightly between identical cars produced on the same day providing different fuel consumption. I think you get the gist, it is absolutely impossible to establish ‘accurate’ real life fuel consumption figures for all the reasons mentioned. So why are we about to spend a fortune trying to fix something that ‘aint broke. At least with the way MPG figures are established at the moment all cars are tested consistently in laboratories.

The figures may not reflect genuine real life conditions but they provide a means to compare different makes and models of cars. So if your car choice is between a Ford Fiesta or a Vauxhall Corsa you will find that the Government controlled average on the Fiesta is 54.3mpg whilst that on the Corsa is 51.4mpg. So whilst you probably won’t achieve either figure when you drive the cars the Fiesta is likely to be a little better than the Corsa. So to change the method now would be a nonsense and a waste of money.

What inspectors found when they checked the way manufacturers established their MPG figures was doors being taped up and tests being carried out on very smooth surfaces. This is where action needed to be taken so that all tests are identical and we certainly don’t need the Europeans poking about and instructing us on how we should do things!

Oh and if it was possible to ‘manipulate’ the figures under controlled conditions in a laboratory I can only imagine the manipulation that will go on when attempting to replicate real life driving conditions. Nonsense, absolute bloody nonsense! By Graham Hill